Wow, I have never met someone who was so good at being dishonest.  I have learned so much about my ex and how he really is and it is just amazing.  Every moment truly was false.  And I am honestly not being dramatic in that statement.  He is a habitual cheater and manipulator, which in all honesty shocks me because he is not really intelligent.  I think my issue with the current state of mind is that I knew from day 1 that I was going to have to settle for far less then I wanted for this one.  I did because, partly, he is good at the illusion of caring.  And partly because I apparently have no self worth.

It is not fair that this experience has happened to me.  I am a nice person who treats people well and respects them and does sweet things for them to a fault.  He stole my natural loving personality and stomped it into the ground because he was so selfish that he couldn’t just deal with his current responsibilities before he moved onto another thing to occupy his time.  That he felt the need to keep me just close enough, just in case the new thing didn’t go as well as he had hoped.  I have no respect for people who can’t be alone.

He is the worst human being I have ever met.  I am so glad to be completely rid of him so he can no longer do damage to me.  What kind of a person treats other people that way?

How did I fall in love – that is a great question.  Here are my thoughts…  I don’t think I was.  I don’t think I loved him at all.  I think my issue is with failure.  The main reason I say this is because I didn’t tell him I loved him until we had a split.  And that was a couple years into the relationship.  I think I said this as a way to justify to myself that there was something worth working for?  See I don’t fail in my professional life.  I am the leader, I make the decisions that finish the project in the green.  In relationships I think I need a break from always being the winner.  The downfall is that I go too relaxed.  When I would go to his house, I honestly had nothing to talk to him about.  Which actually worked out well because as it turns out he didn’t care about what I had to say.  When we would talk I would ask things like what did you eat today?  What the hell kind of a conversation is that?!

I do wish that this situation could have ended in a better way.  But I am not sorry for feeling so angry about being tricked.  And that is all it is, a trick.  I would hope that he becomes a better person after realizing what he is doing is wrong and painful to innocent people, but remember what I said, he really is pretty dumb.

We will see what tomorrow brings – I start a new chapter in this life.  A better one than most.  I will not feel pain caused by this worthless piece of shit in 2016 – or any other worthless thing!  His lies will no longer have any power over me.  He almost got the best of me, but in this failure there will be major success.