I have turned the corner.  This could have been done a while ago, but my ex was such a coward that he let me suffer with this pain all on my own.  I found out that he was seeing someone else while he was with me.  But that really isn’t the worst part, the thing that got me over the hump is that he had the audacity to introduce her to one of the few friends I have a week after he dumped me.  He thought so incredibly little of our relationship and me that he would so selfishly do that.  Well, he is an idiot coward, so it should have been no surprise

The point is that I am no longer sad.  It is amazing how just one thing to latch onto can change your whole outlook.  This weekend was so depressing for me and now I actually am grateful that he didn’t respect me.

Is it still a hard road ahead, yes, but I can see a happy ending finally.

I have learned a lesson here too and I was very worried that I wouldn’t.  The lesson is that you MUST understand what makes you happy and do not give up any of them for another person.  If you care about them and they care about you all your happiness requirements and all their happiness requirements will be easily met.

My ex had no idea what I liked and didn’t like because he chose not to care and I chose not to require that he did.  That is my fault and not his.  His downfall was that he chose not to be honest.  He chose to cheat and be a coward instead of dealing with his current situation, however difficult that it would have been, BEFORE he got involved with another relationship.  He never admitted it and denied it till the end.  How proud his new girlfriend must be of her big strong man.

The point is that while I am mad now and blaming him for his shitty-ness, I still have responsibility in this and I absolutely refuse to fall for this again.  The good part about that is that I won’t be heartless, it isn’t required to make sure you don’t get hurt.  What is required is understanding that you can not expect someone else to make you happy.  How exhausting that would be.  Should they make you happy – yes, but it shouldn’t be that you NEED them to make you happy.  That is how you get so attached that when it is over, you are reduced to nothing – like what I just went through for the last month.  But, NO MORE!!!!

I have almost finished erasing him from my heart.  I have deleted every email, every voicemail, every bit of contact information I have for him and I closed my facebook again – I don’t really see any value in that one anyway.  I only turned it back on to try an app that requires it.  The reasoning here is that I kept going back over the texts, over the emails, just obsessing over everything.  Hoping that there was a chance that we would be together again.  Now the mindset has changed and I don’t need that.  I never want to see him again, he doesn’t deserve anything kind from me.

I am going to close this out and hopefully get some good sleep tonight – if I do it will be the first time in a long time and really needed.