I recently have been chatting with a new friend and one thing that he does very well is show compassion.  That is sometimes a very hard thing to relay, especially if you are not in a place where you can be around that person.  I say something isn’t going great and I feel like he is genuinely caring about how it is having an impact on me.  I am not really the best at this one which is why it has made my list.  I care about people and I care if they have a good day or bad day, but I have a tendency to be very distracted in conversations if something else is going on.  I am very used to multi tasking at work, listening in on several conversations at the same time – and one sided at that.  So it is a little bit hard for me to focus on what a person is trying to relay to me and that makes it seem like I don’t care as much as I do.

I am not saying that it is OK to complain and keep on about something just to do it, but if you say something like I feel like crap today and they say, I hope you feel better instead of something like – keep that crap to yourself – that is compassion folks

I admit that I am a bit of a whiner, but it’s something that I will pay more attention to and I will also try very hard to make sure people know that when I ask them a question or they are telling me something that they have my attention and I do care to hear what they are saying – I will be picking up what they are putting down!!

 

Acceptance – meaning I like you just the way you are…

Is that such a strange concept?  To like someone just the way they are would be amazing.  I don’t think that it is something that happens on day 1, but when you begin to love someone and love them more and more I think it can be done.

I have bad habits, I have strange things I do, I am not perfect – I can still be accepted and loved, right?

How did this one not make it on here until 11 I am not sure.  Honesty is the absolute number 1 priority in any relationship I will have with any other person again.  If I find out that they lied about something – or wasn’t hiding the truth – game over!!!

It isn’t hard when you trust the other person.  If you have something that is like a secret, you don’t have to tell that right away, but if somehow it comes up don’t lie about it – it is obviously important to the other person enough to ask so just be honest and they will respect it.  It doesn’t meant that everything will be alright, but you can work together from there.

I have a somewhat high stress job and sometimes I just want to relax at home and veg out with a movie, maybe popcorn or a nice little dinner.  Just no pressure to be super talkative or entertaining.  Siting on the couch cuddled up to next to someone would be a great night in

This one is basically giving and taking when it comes to the things that you like to do.  If you like to go to football games and your partner likes to go to musicals there should be a compromise there where each of you do the other’s activity as a sign of support.  You don’t have to love it, but you don’t have to make it painful either.  It is all about give and take.

I have always been one to do things that my partner wanted to do without really wanting to do it myself.  I think of it like this, I want to spend time with you it doesn’t much matter what we do.  Just need to remember that they have to do the same.  This is where I fail, I never really push the issue, if they don’t want to do it, I don’t do it – well no more.

Also, just for clarification this is not about being a bitch or difficult, I don’t think I am that kind of person, but this does mean that I won’t get lost or too dependent on another relationship – friendship or romantic, because it happens to me in both right now.

I have a bad habit of saying sorry even when I really have nothing to be sorry about.

The more accurate thing could be oh, excuse me or pardon me, but sorry is most likely not the right response and it really wears on me to think about how much I say sorry and how little others say it.

No, I am no longer sorry for reacting to having my feelings hurt when someone has lied to me or used me or treated me unfairly.  I am not sorry for loving you even when you didn’t deserve it.  I am not sorry for your sake I am not sorry for MY sake.  I will no longer feel shame of my feelings.  If I love someone or something about someone I will no longer feel afraid to say it.  Love is nothing to be sorry for and having feelings that you need to express is nothing to be sorry for.

People are sorry if they take other people’s caring as being something to be sorry about.

This is all about things that will make me happy – admitting this is something that has to happen in order for me to truly be happy.  I am a loving person, I want to be loved and I want to love.  I love people and things very easily, is that really so bad?  What is bad is when I am ashamed of those feelings or afraid of those feelings.

Sorry, not sorry!

The saying is very true – don’t make someone a priority for you if you are only an option for them!

This one is going to be harder for me to stick to as I tend to brush things off or make excuses, but I am going to try hard for this.  This goes for anyone in my life too, not just someone I am dating.  And I will absolutely admit that this is all about how I feel, if I feel like I am a bother to you then you aren’t showing enough interest and there is no point.  You make think you are not doing anything wrong, but that actually doesn’t matter to me anymore.

I don’t want to sound selfish, but I have been hurt too deeply by people just throwing me away like a piece of trash.  People who don’t care about you on the same level are always going to hurt you.  It can be the other way around too, if you don’t care about someone at all – don’t string them along.  Make sure they understand your priorities and don’t trick them into thinking otherwise.

This seems like a simple thing or a no brainer, but it is incredibly difficult for me to discuss things that are bothering me with my partner or friends.  I tend to let things that bother me go and I really have always thought that your significant other should be the person that you can tell anything to or discuss any issue with, yet I have never actually experienced that.

An open relationship doesn’t have to be painful.  if you get in front of issues it shows you are willing to do the hard work it takes to make a lasting relationship.  You can determine the issues and decide together if you are willing to make it work or if it should just be severed.

One day…

I need to feel wanted.  Not just by a man, but by friends too.  Showing that you are not a burden or being talked to because of some guilty feeling means so much.  I don’t always want to reach out to you and to be honest – texting is not reaching out at all!!!  I write letters to people when I travel because to me the idea of receiving a real letter is amazing.  Fun fact – no one has ever written me a letter back!

If someone wants to me to be a part of their life, they are going to have to start showing it by reaching out to me sometimes – a call, a letter – something that shows a bit more effort than texting me some canned thing

This is another that I feel strange for saying, but it is something I want.  I want to be able to make plans with someone.  The idea that someone won’t make plans with you means that they are not sure if doing what you want to do or doing something with you is worth it and that something better might come along that they might want to do.  Not being able to commit to even a date is a bad sign!!

I no longer want to “go with the flow” or just see what happens.  I want to make plans and that includes dates