Author: Diana

9. Not Always Being Sorry

By Diana

I have a bad habit of saying sorry even when I really have nothing to be sorry about.

The more accurate thing could be oh, excuse me or pardon me, but sorry is most likely not the right response and it really wears on me to think about how much I say sorry and how little others say it.

No, I am no longer sorry for reacting to having my feelings hurt when someone has lied to me or used me or treated me unfairly.  I am not sorry for loving you even when you didn’t deserve it.  I am not sorry for your sake I am not sorry for MY sake.  I will no longer feel shame of my feelings.  If I love someone or something about someone I will no longer feel afraid to say it.  Love is nothing to be sorry for and having feelings that you need to express is nothing to be sorry for.

People are sorry if they take other people’s caring as being something to be sorry about.

This is all about things that will make me happy – admitting this is something that has to happen in order for me to truly be happy.  I am a loving person, I want to be loved and I want to love.  I love people and things very easily, is that really so bad?  What is bad is when I am ashamed of those feelings or afraid of those feelings.

Sorry, not sorry!

Facebook

By Diana

So I ditched Facebook because of my ex almost 2 years ago and decided to bring it back just to waste some time.  My return analysis is that it is so bad.  All the friends that I had just post recipes of sweet treats that I don’t eat :(

Anyway – it is a total waste of time and I am not sure that I need more of that in my life 😉

8. Priority

By Diana

The saying is very true – don’t make someone a priority for you if you are only an option for them!

This one is going to be harder for me to stick to as I tend to brush things off or make excuses, but I am going to try hard for this.  This goes for anyone in my life too, not just someone I am dating.  And I will absolutely admit that this is all about how I feel, if I feel like I am a bother to you then you aren’t showing enough interest and there is no point.  You make think you are not doing anything wrong, but that actually doesn’t matter to me anymore.

I don’t want to sound selfish, but I have been hurt too deeply by people just throwing me away like a piece of trash.  People who don’t care about you on the same level are always going to hurt you.  It can be the other way around too, if you don’t care about someone at all – don’t string them along.  Make sure they understand your priorities and don’t trick them into thinking otherwise.

Brand New Start

By Diana

When I say brand new I mean brand new.  The only people I have in my life that are really there is family.  The only “friends” I have are people I met through him so that ain’t really going to cut it.  I should rephrase – friends close enough to hang out with.  I have to start fresh.  This sucks because it is going to be hard.  The good news is that I can practice my quality of people in my life approach.  If you don’t cut it, you don’t cut it and that is all there is to it.  No more bending over backwards for people who don’t reciprocate.

I want to add to this now that I know the truth – I do have real friends that I met through him.  I just assumed that it would never work, but his actions made that decision easy.  People will see when someone does something this wrong to another person and do you really want to be around that kind of person?

Happy Birthday?

By Diana

So my birthday was yesterday and I wanted it to be happy, but the heart just wasn’t willing.  It wasn’t horrible, really it was like just any other day – certainly not special.  It isn’t usually though, I like to make sure that I wish people a happy birthday, but most people do not remember mine.

Anyway, just wanted to get a blog on here, sorry it can’t be a great one just feeling pretty blah right now.

Keep Looking Forward

By Diana

There are very few things that I regret in my life, but there are some things.  I recently started thinking about one of those regrets and have found myself feeling sad about what could have been.  I found with my recent changes in life that you can’t dwell on things from the past that you can no longer change or basically don’t have control over.

I think it is OK to be sad about something, but don’t cross that line of becoming obsessed with it.  I am learning a lot of things about the hard times in life lately.  I wish these lessons didn’t have to come to me with so much pain but sometimes you have to just suck it up and keep moving forward!

7. Talking

By Diana

This seems like a simple thing or a no brainer, but it is incredibly difficult for me to discuss things that are bothering me with my partner or friends.  I tend to let things that bother me go and I really have always thought that your significant other should be the person that you can tell anything to or discuss any issue with, yet I have never actually experienced that.

An open relationship doesn’t have to be painful.  if you get in front of issues it shows you are willing to do the hard work it takes to make a lasting relationship.  You can determine the issues and decide together if you are willing to make it work or if it should just be severed.

One day…

6. Feel Wanted

By Diana

I need to feel wanted.  Not just by a man, but by friends too.  Showing that you are not a burden or being talked to because of some guilty feeling means so much.  I don’t always want to reach out to you and to be honest – texting is not reaching out at all!!!  I write letters to people when I travel because to me the idea of receiving a real letter is amazing.  Fun fact – no one has ever written me a letter back!

If someone wants to me to be a part of their life, they are going to have to start showing it by reaching out to me sometimes – a call, a letter – something that shows a bit more effort than texting me some canned thing :)

5. Making Plans

By Diana

This is another that I feel strange for saying, but it is something I want.  I want to be able to make plans with someone.  The idea that someone won’t make plans with you means that they are not sure if doing what you want to do or doing something with you is worth it and that something better might come along that they might want to do.  Not being able to commit to even a date is a bad sign!!

I no longer want to “go with the flow” or just see what happens.  I want to make plans and that includes dates :)

Today was a Pretty Good Day!

By Diana

Actually this weekend was pretty good.  I feel like I got a lot accomplished since I got back from Atlanta.  I got myself my birthday present – a little early, but I just can’t keep a present from myself :) Also, I didn’t really expect to find what I really wanted so quickly, but I did so I had to have it.  I will post some pictures of it later.  I worked out a plan with my brother to get the property cleaned up and I got myself new safety glasses, that actually fit!!  Paul got the router working and so the website is back up and I can write this :)

My 37th Birthday Present to Myself!!
My 37th Birthday Present to Myself!!

I got a new hair do as well – it isn’t crazy different but just enough to make me feel a bit better – everyone knows that when a woman has a big change in her life she MUST do something different to her hair :)

Last, but something I am happy about, I got me some new towels!!  They are so soft and wonderful :)

Alright, time to get back to the cooking and wrap this up :)

On a sadder note, but worth mentioning, tomorrow we are putting down our last pack dog Emma.  She has had a hard last couple months and I really think it is the right thing to do.  We love her very much and will miss her just as deeply as the others.  We hope that someday soon we will be able to get some new dogs, but for now we will just absorb the memories of these wonderful friends.