I have a ton of trips coming up, which I will be blogging while I am away but the point is that I am so happy to be starting to get back to normal.  Traveling was pretty much a huge part of my life a couple years ago and I can use some normalcy in my life right now.

My very next trip is only to Atlanta, but I am still very happy to be going.  I will be seeing some people who I like very much there and that is always good.

I put all the trips blogs here if you are interested

This week was a big one for work.  We had so many people from all over the company down here in Jacksonville to do some training.  They were a really good group of people and I think that it all went really well.

We went to dinner one night, but I wasn’t able to really stay because I had a hair appointment which I was a little disappointed about, but you know how them hair appointments go – I LOVE THEM!!!!

Then last night we went to the HQ building and that actually turned out really great because 3 very important people in the signaling world were still there for the day and talked with the group for a good hour.  It was just really good timing, I was very happy.

After that we went to the landing to eat some dinner and then it got really fun!!  I had a bit too much to drink and was just laughing like I was a crazy person and having a great time.  It has been a long time since I had done that and it was much needed.  Like I said earlier, these were a great group of people and I couldn’t ask for better treatment from people who you just met (most of them I had just met this week).  They really took care of me, or maybe a better way to put it is watched out for me to make sure I was having a good time and staying out of harms way.

I wish I had taken like 1 picture to capture the moment, but to be honest I was really living in the moment – which is what we are supposed to do, right?

Great week overall and it has been a while since I could say that phrase!

Today we welcomed a new family member, Penny Dog!

She is pretty stinking sweet.  I love her already.  I think she is coming to us at a perfect time – for me at least.

I am headed to bed now so more later

I spent the weekend with the Tarmas’ and it was very special.  They just allowed me to be in their home and just showed me love and reassured me that they were my friends through all the hard times – just like I would be for them.

My friend Deanna has been very helpful too.  Without her I would have never sought professional help.  She is a wonderful person who I love very much just like the Tarmas’ (all of them).

I have still been very tired – not getting much rest but spending much time in bed.  I think I may ask my doctor for some Ambient or something that will allow me to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time.

Also, on a good note, we are getting a dog tomorrow.  My mom is getting it from a friend and I am very happy.  Dogs are very therapeutic and I think it will help me feel a bit better.

Alright, I am going to get some sleep now, try to be more interesting another day.

Today is the day that I get help to get past this horrible nightmare.  I have high hopes for this session and know that after all of this is over I will be better person.  I already know I am a better person than my ex, that isn’t too hard to be.  I will post more on this entry when I get back.

I am so tired of being over emotional over this.  It has been over a month now – could have been less if someone would have been honest, but that is besides the point.

I am going to try to get a little more sleep before I go, but like I said will update when I get back.

The meeting went well, I feel much better.  I have another one tomorrow and again in a couple weeks, will see how it goes then.

Didn’t sleep any today either, hoping tonight will be better.

Wow, I have never met someone who was so good at being dishonest.  I have learned so much about my ex and how he really is and it is just amazing.  Every moment truly was false.  And I am honestly not being dramatic in that statement.  He is a habitual cheater and manipulator, which in all honesty shocks me because he is not really intelligent.  I think my issue with the current state of mind is that I knew from day 1 that I was going to have to settle for far less then I wanted for this one.  I did because, partly, he is good at the illusion of caring.  And partly because I apparently have no self worth.

It is not fair that this experience has happened to me.  I am a nice person who treats people well and respects them and does sweet things for them to a fault.  He stole my natural loving personality and stomped it into the ground because he was so selfish that he couldn’t just deal with his current responsibilities before he moved onto another thing to occupy his time.  That he felt the need to keep me just close enough, just in case the new thing didn’t go as well as he had hoped.  I have no respect for people who can’t be alone.

He is the worst human being I have ever met.  I am so glad to be completely rid of him so he can no longer do damage to me.  What kind of a person treats other people that way?

How did I fall in love – that is a great question.  Here are my thoughts…  I don’t think I was.  I don’t think I loved him at all.  I think my issue is with failure.  The main reason I say this is because I didn’t tell him I loved him until we had a split.  And that was a couple years into the relationship.  I think I said this as a way to justify to myself that there was something worth working for?  See I don’t fail in my professional life.  I am the leader, I make the decisions that finish the project in the green.  In relationships I think I need a break from always being the winner.  The downfall is that I go too relaxed.  When I would go to his house, I honestly had nothing to talk to him about.  Which actually worked out well because as it turns out he didn’t care about what I had to say.  When we would talk I would ask things like what did you eat today?  What the hell kind of a conversation is that?!

I do wish that this situation could have ended in a better way.  But I am not sorry for feeling so angry about being tricked.  And that is all it is, a trick.  I would hope that he becomes a better person after realizing what he is doing is wrong and painful to innocent people, but remember what I said, he really is pretty dumb.

We will see what tomorrow brings – I start a new chapter in this life.  A better one than most.  I will not feel pain caused by this worthless piece of shit in 2016 – or any other worthless thing!  His lies will no longer have any power over me.  He almost got the best of me, but in this failure there will be major success.