This situation with my mom still seems unreal.  I feel like it must be a dream.  It doesn’t feel right.

I had decided that I was not going to see her in the hospice room and talking to my friends they all seemed to understand, but then I just kept seeing her the way she was here at I didn’t think that I would have wanted that to be my last memory of her.

I went to see her tonight.  Hospice is such a great organization and I am happy that they are there, but I am starting to think that it was a mistake.  It is just so heartbreaking seeing someone you love so much just lay there waiting to pass.  She didn’t look like herself, but I held her hand and said again that I loved her.

I am having a harder time with this than I thought.  Seeing others in the family having a hard time is painful for me too.

I have been traveling so much lately and was supposed to be gone this week.  I knew I shouldn’t go and I am just so so so thankful that my coworkers understood and I felt like I could stay.  I can’t imagine how it would have been if I was away.

I just am unable to describe or comprehend how I feel.  I just don’t know.